Monday, July 9, 2007

Dear Heidi . . .

Hello.  I am sure that by now, almost a week later, you have forgotten two truckers who came into Chevy's the night of July 4th.  But we have not forgotten you.

We were supposed to be there on July 5th so Terry could visit his son Elliott before he left on his Naval deployment on the 7th.  Well, the way things worked, we got there a day early, on the 4th.  We couldn't check into the hotel we had booked a day early, so we settled for one near where you work.

We were hungry and tired and just wanted to eat a simple meal, relax, and maybe play some pool.  We walked over to the shopping center and were actually going to go to another place close to Chevy's, but it was closed for the holiday.  

And I'm glad.  Because that's when we saw your place, and decided to check it out.  

The pool tables were all being used, and the tables were all full.  We talked to a couple of people before settling in at the bar.

And there you were.

Terry and I both noticed you at the same time, and we both remarked on what a beautiful woman you were.

You took our orders, made small talk, and were genuinely sweet and engaging.  Because of you, we forgot all about playing pool or getting back to the hotel early.

Thank you.  


Some comments.  According to the website Behind The, Heidi is a derivative of a name which means "of a noble kind or type" (my wording of the meaning). And, while Heidi was indeed real (though I have no illusion she will ever see my note to her), she was also more than real.

For me, Heidi was more than just one beautiful woman in a sports bar and grill. Heidi represents all women in some sense; she is Woman, Everywoman, the archetype.

I was married for 10 years, and have been divorced for two. But before, during and after marriage, there was this longing for relationship, intimacy, interaction with the woman of my dreams, the woman who would be my soulmate, my companion, the One True Love the universe had selected just for me, if only I could find her.

And it was true: Charlotte was as near as I will ever come to having a true One Love. And even that was flawed, fell short somehow.

And, now, in my truck-driving life, I am content. As content and settled and at peace as I've ever been in my life. For the first time in my life, I'm not looking for the One, not waiting on the soulmate, not looking to some heaven somewhere to bring me what I most desire.

I am alone, at peace with my alone-ness, content to be -- just be and let be. Most of the time, I am so happy not to be dealing with the flaws in my experience of Woman that it doesn't matter that I'm not experiencing the closeness, intimacy, intensity.

But sometimes I'm reminded. I will see some anonymous beautiful creature (Ah, Woman! My Chosen One! My Soul -- is it You, at last? Or again? Could it be? But, no . . .) and the fire burns, the desire awakens -- (what am I doing alone?) -- and then, like a shimmer of shadowy film over my vision, it disperses, and is gone.

But sometimes -- O! Sometimes! Glorious Sometimes -- that fleeting Everywoman -- MyWoman -- THEWoman -- takes shape before me and stays for a little while, passing conversation, smiles and laughter over a bar somewhere, and teaching me about Mojitos.

Dear Heidi.

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